“Happiness is a Choice” Part 1

Unsaturated Facts of Depression…

Did she really? Umm…yes boo I just did. Wait what just happened? Lol you are not reading wrong. I am going to jump right in so as not to get you any more confused. You see in life we often tend to describe or see things based on our belief, faith or societal values. While all this options are not wrong, there is so much to be done for our minds to be mentally stable. While I personally believe that we cannot control everything that happens to us as human beings, it is still up to us to influence some decisions in our lives.

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For instance, Our happiness. Trust me at some point in my life. Telling you that your happiness is paramount was never going to be a priority for me because I was dealing with depression. But, I feel I have come such a long way that talking about it makes me even more free than I’d like to give more credit for. As at barely 5 hours ago, 4 people in my life knew my story of depression that I had been hiding for over 8 years. The first urge to leave this world came when I failed my Junior High School exams. I thought dying would save my mum the ache of calling me “an embarrassment to the family” to my face. But by the grace of God, I scaled through and promised to do better in my Senior High School exams and I did (story for another day). As time went on, other occasions occurred in senior high where as a boarding student, many instances made me feel like the world deserved better than me but again I managed to scale through because God always finds me worthy of his love in in-explainable ways. A particular incident at almost 16 made me question my reality due to my helplessness as a person. Again, I thought all hope was lost and to be honest I still cannot look at that part of my body as attractive no matter how hard I tried.

Even upon arrival to the self acclaimed America lol many burdens I felt I would have personally averted if only I took my own life. Okay so I can sense the feelings of asking the question “Why.” I share this part of my life with you guys to help you understand that depression is not something that anyone wants because they are “lonely, feeling sad or just looking for attention.” It is a silent killer that happens to people in cycles.

“But you are not in Nigeria… Why are you depressed? So if you are in America and you are depressed what would you expect people in Nigeria to do?” “So you are now Americanized chai? Hahahahaha you are funny o” “Depressed ko, “Assoication ni.”

Apart from the words , I could feel their gazes in my soul. Someone expresses their vulnerability but you take them for granted by mocking their situation? Speaking to you is their call for help. So please do not ignore them.

 

 

Stay Tuned for Part 2…

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C’est Toi

Shallow Dreams & Broken Hearts

Once in a while, we get too comfortable with the conviction that someone wants us. We get this cushiony feeling of warmth that extends to our thoughts and has a ripple effect on our sub-conscious mentalities.
We ignore calls, leave messages un-replied, flirt openly, not because we don’t care anymore but because we have gotten too comfortable with the person’s love. Sometimes we do it because we want to, at other times we do it to incur a reaction, feed our ego with their jealousy, redness, and momentary anger. Anyway, one thing I realized though, is that there’s an awfully thin line between getting too comfortable with someone’s affection and hurting them. The two aren’t very distinct.

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